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Ride-Along Tales… Meet KP’s Biological Mom

5 Lesson I Learned When My Mom Rode In The Cop Car With Me

By: KP

We started the night at 9pm in the patrol briefing with the rest of my brothers-in-blue, getting prepared for the night and receiving important updates on the latest BOLO’s (“Be On The Lookout”) and information bulletins. One of my brothers mentioned the pending rain and said very seriously, “We are going to be wet all night.” I couldn’t help myself and said proudly, “That’s what she said!” My mom started to giggle in the seat next to me. A few minutes later, one of my brothers-in-blue referred to a different topic of conversation and said, “It’s going to be hard,” and my mom whispered, under her breath, “That’s what she said.” I was equally amused and knew this was going to be a fun night. Lesson 1: “That’s what she said” is a disease that strikes people of ALL ages.

About 10 minutes later, we hit the streets and started patrolling. I took a moment to entertain myself and started quizzing my mom on her “Internet slang.” I asked her, “What does ‘G2G’ mean?” She replied excitedly, “Girl to Girl?!” <–MOM!!! What tha’ F*CK?! My mom quickly corrected herself and said she didn’t mean it in a perverted way, but more like a “Girls night or girl chat,” kind of way. Lesson 2: Ummmm…. I don’t know about this one. My mom is not a judgmental lady?

After that hilarious incident- we decided to do some “Foot patrol” at my favorite late night, loud music bar. My mom was immediately approached by one of the regulars, who MAY be at least 4 feet tall. He begged and BEGGED to dance with my mom (who wouldn’t, right? She is awesome!). This regular proceeded to “Twerk” awkwardly right next to her. My mom, not missing a beat, tossed me her suit jacket she was holding. While sporting her nice business attire, she started to “Break it down” for a few moments. While a look of shock crossed my face, the entire bar erupted in loud screams and cheers for my mom. My mom, in her 54 years of age, was showing this regular how it is done, like a boss. I eventually stopped laughing and was finally able to catch my breath. I regained my composure. She apologized to my partner and myself for possibly embarrassing us. My mom stated, in a matter-of-fact tone, “Sorry… I just haven’t been out in and while….” and then laughed loudly, entertained with herself. Lesson 3: My mom is more out of control than me. Also lesson 4: My mom needs to go out more often.

We decided we had enough of the bar scene and “Twerking” (shocking, I know, you all know how much I love twerking) and wanted to go help people. You know, the reason why we all got in to Police work for in the first place. We spot a citizen walking in the rain and decide to give the poor guy a ride to his destination. Once we arrive at the males’ destination, I get out of the car to let the male out of the back seat. I exchange a few kind words with the male and jump back in to the car. My mom asked me, with a concerned look on her face, “Baby, do your bosses broadcast “I love my job, I love my job’ over and over on the radio as some mind trick to keep you all thinking positive?” Confused, I said, “Mom,  I have no clue what you are talking about. I didn’t hear anything on my portable radio while I was out of the car.” My mom looked concerned and was adamant that she had heard a voice saying “I love my job, I love my job” repeatedly. I looked at her thinking, damn she really is crazy! First with the dancing, then with hearing voices that I am not hearing! I give her a comforting pat on the top of her hand, and reassured her that no one was brain washing us cops on the radio. I opened up my computer and viewed the chat screen. I immediately realized it was the computer verbalizing a humorous message that had been sent to me. Lesson 5: My mom is NOT entirely crazy. She is NOT hearing voices in her head. Sorry for thinking you had lost your mind for a second, mom.

It certainly was a ride along I will remember for ever. I can only hope the next ride along is almost as entertaining. My biological mom is one crazy lady so you can blame her if you don’t like my humor. – KP

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